Lady Gaga Confronts Loneliness: A Journey Through Fame and Love

In this intimate interview, Lady Gaga shares her fears of loneliness during her meteoric rise to fame, realizing that true happiness is found with her partner, Michael Polansky. At 38, she embraces her journey from a star under media scrutiny to an artist reclaiming her identity and love through her upcoming album, *Mayhem*.

No one wants to be alone, and no job is more isolating than being a pop star. Just ask Lady Gaga. Her rise to fame in 2009-10 was unlike anything we'd seen before. One of the first pop stars to harness the power of the internet, she seemed to exist in a permanent onslaught of TMZ photos and gossip blogs. Their appetite was voracious. She wore through so many looks and sounds in the space of three years that one critic wrote she was "speed-running Madonna's entire career."

As her fame grew, the headlines became more unhinged: staging a satanic ritual in a London hotel, claiming to secretly be a hermaphrodite, and even contemplating sawing off her leg "for fashion." When she attended the 2010 MTV Awards in a dress made entirely of meat, audiences failed to grasp the humor; Gaga was presenting herself as fodder for tabloids, meant to be devoured by the public eye.

On stage, she was revered by her devoted fans, the Little Monsters, but anyone not possessed by megalomania knows that kind of adulation is merely an illusion. "I'm alone, Brandon. Every night," Gaga told her stylist in the 2017 documentary, *Five Foot Two*. "I go from everyone touching me all day and talking at me all day to total silence."

Now 38, and happily engaged to tech entrepreneur Michael Polansky, Gaga admits that those years of solitude frightened her. "I think my biggest fear was doing this by myself—doing life on my own," she told the BBC. "And I think the greatest gift has been meeting my partner, Michael, and being in the mayhem with him."

The couple, who have been together since 2020, revealed their engagement at the Venice Film Festival last September, where Gaga showcased her stunning diamond engagement ring. However, she prefers a more understated ring on her other hand, made from blades of grass. This heartfelt symbol was born from a sweet proposal moment when Michael asked how he should propose. "Just get a blade of grass from the backyard, and wrap it around my finger," was her response.

This deeply romantic gesture comes laced with sadness; Gaga's Malibu backyard was once the site of her close friend Sonja Durham's wedding—an event overshadowed by her tragic death from cancer in 2017. "There was so much loss, but this happy thing was happening for me," Gaga reflected on her engagement.

Those themes of loss and love have crafted the foundation of her new album, *Mayhem*. The track titled “Blade of Grass” encapsulates a "lovers' kiss in a garden made of thorns," symbolizing hope amid darkness, with Gaga acknowledging this song as a "thank you" to her partner.

After a hiatus focused on film and jazz, Gaga's *Mayhem* ushers her back to the pop sound that first captured the world's attention. With her fiancé encouraging her to return to pop music, the tracks exude the raw energy reminiscent of early hits like "Poker Face" and "Just Dance." The latest single, "Abracadabra," even recalls elements from "Bad Romance."

In branding her album’s narrative, Gaga presents a dialogue between her past and present selves. Through imagery of a broken mirror in the artwork, and confrontations with earlier versions of herself in videos, she confronts the duality of her fame. "That's probably the most angry song about fame I've ever written," she shares, referring to a track titled "Perfect Celebrity" where she addresses the persona she's cultivated over the years, stating "I became a notorious being."

Striving to reconcile her public image with her private life, she concludes that it’s healthier to merge the two into one whole person. "I am a lover of songwriting... putting on a show," she emphasizes. In reclaiming her music from past collaborations and outside influences, Gaga cements her identity unequivocally.

Having showcased early demos to eager fans in Paris last summer, Gaga’s excitement for this new phase is palpable. "I just wanted to share it with them," she remarks, recalling fond memories of connecting with fans over two decades.

As an interviewer, encountering Gaga now reflects growth much like her own. Back in 2009, she exuded excitement about her burgeoning career, whereas now, she embodies self-assurance and enthusiasm emanating from personal fulfillment. "Being there for my friends, my family, meeting my amazing fiancé—all these things made me a whole person," she clarifies. With intent, she asserts, "I wanted *Mayhem* to have an ending. I wanted the chaos to stop. It ends with love."